To whomever would like to read my story.

As I write this I am 39 weeks pregnant, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the most precious gift, our new baby. This is our third baby, we have an amazing little girl who is 2 and a half, but we did not get to meet our second baby. A little insight into my/our pregnancy loss story. Last November (2016) I went for my 13 week scan, there we were told our baby had died the week before…. Those awful words ‘Im sorry,but there is no heartbeat’ …. We did not expect that, the baby in the screen was clearly seen, beautiful, but not alive. This was devastating for us both. I went into hospital a few days later to have my baby, saying it was an unpleasant and gut wrenching experience would not describe it. Our close family were amazing, helping out with our toddler, calling in to see if we needed anything. I discovered friends who suddenly avoided me and friends who rang and offered to listen/talk – whatever was needed. My husband was beyond amazing, he was grieving too but made sure I was ok. I could not imagine anyone else being by my side, grieving, having to say goodbye to our little baby. I miss our baby, even though we never met. We have been blessed with our third baby, I hope she/he will be happy and healthy. I am so excited to meet face to face. This is a time where I find myself wondering was our second baby a boy or a girl, who would have they looked like…but all I do know is they were loved and will never ever be forgotten. I am sure our baby angel is present, keeping an eye on us all. I am glad to share a little bit of my story of loss. A lot of people don’t even know I lost a baby, but also some unexpected people have shared their pregnancy /baby loss story with me, even years later it will remain with us, a love and a longing for our baby. This is certain from the women who have shared their story with me. It’s been, and is a journey, I’m writing this as a thank you to those who supported me, for anyone who might need some hope but most importantly as a thank you to our second baby,baby angel, for letting me be your mummy for a few months.

Much love and well wishes, Ashling. X