Miscarriage in the Past

To have lost your baby a long time ago does not take away the memories, pain and hurt you remember.

Babies lost in the past were sadly supposed to be forgotten in the false hope that, to erase these babies from people’s memories, would take away the pain from the parents also. How wrong this was - for when a woman loses her baby time may heal the pain but will never erase the memories. Memories are precious and should always be treasured.

You may have carried a lot of guilt, sadness, anger and frustration at having miscarried your baby and then having to try to get on with your life as if nothing had happened.

Being told that maybe it was a blessing or God's will was not very helpful and if anything added to the anger and pain of losing your baby.

You would not have had mementoes such as scan pictures or, if your baby was lost later in the pregnancy, photos of your baby. Maybe, if you had ever been able to talk openly about your baby, the grief could have been acknowledged and eased.

It is never too late to do this. Most people nowadays would not find it strange to hear how hard it must have been for you to get on with life after your miscarriage and how, most women, if only to close friends, would count these babies in when discussing how many children they have.

Sadly, some men found it really difficult to understand how deep their partner’s love could be for their unborn child so, in their lack of understanding, may have offered little support or comfort. On the other hand, some men openly showed emotion at their loss. Those couples could be there for each other on days when it seemed to hurt most, e.g. the baby's due date or the anniversary.

We, at the Miscarriage Association, are here to listen to anyone who has lost their baby. Don't be afraid to Contact Us no matter how long you have been bereaved. Sometimes to talking to others who have suffered miscarriage can be of great help.